Fall has always been my favorite season of the year. The two trees in each corner of my picket fence that produce bountiful blooms of yellow flowers are a definite reminder that Fall has arrived.
Sadly, the Fall season that I love is something that I wish I could skip this year. Just four weeks ago, I experienced death. Death of a relationship that is. My spouse announced after a weekend trip that he no longer wants to be married.
What a life shattering announcement! To this day, I feel like I was kicked in the stomach, stepped on my chest, and my heart ripped into pieces. The words that were uttered were the most painful words I have ever heard, and all I can do is listen.
How does one recover from hearing these painful words? How can I recover from hearing the finality of a phrase which in simple terms mean, "goodbye, this is the end of us."
I had no idea this would happen to our marriage.
My feelings are a mix of hurt, betrayal and deception. I feel like our story was just another fictional story from the many poems and stories written by him.
So now, how do I move on?
How do I continue my life without the person who I thought was my best friend...the person who I thought I would grow old with?
These last four weeks without him has been an emotional roller coaster for me.
What do I do? I'm falling to pieces.
I pray to God for strength every hour of everyday for the pain to go away. I ask Him to lift my spirit and heal my broken heart. I ask for peace and happiness and to someday be glued back together in one whole piece.
I have been seeing a therapist and joined a support group. Also, got a new dog who is so loving and sweet whom I named Zoe. The name is of Greek origin meaning "life" which is so appropriate because she is so full of life.
I am so thankful for the support of my mother, daughter, and family members who are constantly reminding me that "this too shall past." I am so thankful for my friends and co-workers who are helping me "have fun" by taking me to happy hours. Lastly, I am so thankful for my best friend whom I have known for 27 years, who flew in from Utah just to simply take care of me and listen to what I had to say.
Yes, my life will go on, slowly I know I can move on!
For now, I ask those of you who know me here through Marie's Maison to pray for my bleeding heart. Someday soon I will heal with many of your prayers.