Fall has always been my favorite season of the year. The two trees in each corner of my picket fence that produce bountiful blooms of yellow flowers are a definite reminder that Fall has arrived.
Sadly, the Fall season that I love is something that I wish I could skip this year. Just four weeks ago, I experienced death. Death of a relationship that is. My spouse announced after a weekend trip that he no longer wants to be married.
What a life shattering announcement! To this day, I feel like I was kicked in the stomach, stepped on my chest, and my heart ripped into pieces. The words that were uttered were the most painful words I have ever heard, and all I can do is listen.
How does one recover from hearing these painful words? How can I recover from hearing the finality of a phrase which in simple terms mean, "goodbye, this is the end of us."
I had no idea this would happen to our marriage.
My feelings are a mix of hurt, betrayal and deception. I feel like our story was just another fictional story from the many poems and stories written by him.
So now, how do I move on?
How do I continue my life without the person who I thought was my best friend...the person who I thought I would grow old with?
These last four weeks without him has been an emotional roller coaster for me.
What do I do? I'm falling to pieces.
I pray to God for strength every hour of everyday for the pain to go away. I ask Him to lift my spirit and heal my broken heart. I ask for peace and happiness and to someday be glued back together in one whole piece.
I have been seeing a therapist and joined a support group. Also, got a new dog who is so loving and sweet whom I named Zoe. The name is of Greek origin meaning "life" which is so appropriate because she is so full of life.
I am so thankful for the support of my mother, daughter, and family members who are constantly reminding me that "this too shall past." I am so thankful for my friends and co-workers who are helping me "have fun" by taking me to happy hours. Lastly, I am so thankful for my best friend whom I have known for 27 years, who flew in from Utah just to simply take care of me and listen to what I had to say.
Yes, my life will go on, slowly I know I can move on!
For now, I ask those of you who know me here through Marie's Maison to pray for my bleeding heart. Someday soon I will heal with many of your prayers.
16 comments:
I'm so sorry. please take care and be good to yourself
Oh....Marie....!!! I know exactly how you feel. The same happened to me 12 years ago. I felt like my chest was scooped out and a big huge hole was where my heart had been. Literally, this is what is physically felt like. Like you, it had not occurred to me that he'd leave me. But one day he said he didn't love me any more...and how convenient that there was someone else all ready for him.
I wanted to lie on the floor for six months and cry. And I did a lot of that. My family and friends pulled me through it.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I have to say in the past I was a little jealous of you and your man by the sea. Just know others have been through it and survived and gone on to be happy again.
Write if you want and we'll discuss. Hang in there...I know just exactly how bad you feel.
I am so sorry to hear this news. It does seem that these things just really can't happen! I will be praying for you sweet friend. Blessings~~Shine
I feel kicked in the stomach just reading your post. What a shame...I wish stuff like this didnt happen..to anyone...I am so sorry ...I hope you can move on from this.
Friend and family are very important at a time like this...lean on them..and seeing a therapist will help alot.
Thinking of you hoping you heart will heal . Frances
Oh Marie,
I am terribly sorry to hear that you are going through this horrible experience. How shocking! Your heart is understandably very shaken and grieving, and feeling very broken. It's really quite surprising that your husband didn't at least want to seek couples' counselling with you.
My sister-in-law went through a similar situation, and it took a long time, but her heart did heal.
Take each day as it comes, as there will continue to be many moments of tears and confusion but smiles and laughter will find their way back in.
You may never get all of your questions answered from your husband, but be strong about what you truly deserve - a loving, honest and committed soulmate.
You are most certainly in my prayers from across the miles.
xo, Susan
Oh Marie, I am so saddened by your painful news. As women, we want to fix things that are broken, but only the Lord can bring healing to your aching heart. I trust you can cling to Him because God is faithful and he wants us to leave our burdens with him because he cares for and loves us beyond what we could ever imagine. I know you won't have an easy road ahead, but I pray that in time you will once again know the joy and peace that only God can give.
Mary Alice
Marie, percent as what happened to you in your marriage but thinks your not alone you have your daughter your mom and your friends and above all to God much faith you are a woman with a career profecional , he lost his family and lost his beautiful wife, because what God joins never separates by a man and he is alone without his family and without a home. have faith asks God to take care of you and leave this sadness so great.
Blessing
XO
Isora
Oh, Maire. I am so, so sorry! I don't know what to say other than I hate that a kind, wonderful person like you is having to go through with something like this.
(((((hugs))))) and prayers to you!
xo,
RJ
So sorry. Been there myself. Sounds like you have a great support group holding you up.
It's a cliche because it's true: Time heals all wounds. This time next year you will be more happy in your new life than you ever were in your old. Be gentle with yourself.
Oh my goodness I am so sorry! I had the same thing happen to me once--many years ago. After 12 years of marriage my first husband had an affair. (so a little different than you) I couldn't get over it/ My daughter Janae was 3. Now my daughter is 23 and I have 3 more children with my husband of 16 years years. It sounds to me like you are doing everything right. Take care and thanks for sharing your heart felt feelings.
Oh Marie, how happy I was to see a new post from Marie's Maison because I so adore reading and seeing your posts.
How saddened I was to read about your last four weeks and the heart ache you are experiencing.
How happy I am that you have the love and support of your family.
How happy I am that I can write and let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers during this trying time.
How happy I am for you that you have this vehicle with which to express your feelings and vent them out vs. carrying them up inside you.
How happy I am that four weeks have passed and you still are able to wake up, put one foot in front of the other, and take steps towards the new life that God has intended for you.
I am sorry you have to go through this but be confident... this too shall pass and who knows what awaits you.
C'est la vie!
I am so sorry Marie. No I cannot imagine though I have gone through a separation and years of pain in my marriage. My heart has been broken and crushed but God always brings light into my darkness and reveals beauty, life, kindness, and gentleness to me again...he gives me reason to go on. I will pray for you sweetie and give you hugs through our blogs. Remember that you are BEAUTIFUL and a pearl of great price. ox
My son has just gone through a painful divorce and is finally beyond the anger and hatred. Unfortunately in the same year he was laid off from his teaching position at a major university. I am in awe of his resiliency and so proud of him.
One upside is that she never wanted to be around family. Now he, and we, feel blessed that we are getting to know one another again.
I wish you all the best and hope that like my son you will make it through all of the phases and be happy once again.
Just popping in to let you know you're still in my thoughts and prayers and that you heal more with each passing day. Hugs!
Oh sweetheart I am sending my love and prayers straight up to heaven for you. I truly understand your heartache..I was there myself years ago when my first husband left me too.
Our God is surrounding you with His presence and comfort and will continue to walk with you through this....and carry you when you feel you cannot walk any longer. Im so happy that you have such a good suport in your family and friends too..this is such a comfort and strength also in these days.
I lost 20 lbs in the first month (from the grief) and I had to literally make myself eat. We have 3 children together and God carried us all through. I can share with you that although he left me in the summertime, I was still hopeful he'd want to come back, but just before Christmas that year, he said he wasnt coming back. That Christmas, my friend, was the sweetest Christmas I have ever had...with the constant love, comfort and peace of my Saviour closer than my very breath.
Yes I was brokenhearted, but He became closer than ever and became the healing balm to my heart.
Hold on to Him, as you are doing, and Your Beloved will encompass your heart with peace and love and the comfort that goes beyond human understanding.
He is close to the brokenhearted,
and is the Healer of all our wounds.
In this present day, my first husband and I are very good friends and God has truly healed our hearts.
Love and warm tender hugs to you sweet friend.
I'm here for you if you'd ever like to talk xo
In His love,
Deborah xoxooxox
Marie, your post made me cry...I feel so badly for you. You express yourself and your feelings beautifully. You won't feel like it for a long time, but, in the end you will look back and see the blessings, the growth, and the good in this sad event. "There's more room in a broken heart". Be at peace, Marie.
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